Too Much, Too Little

Ah. Yes, here I am in sunny Cancun, desperately trying to stop checking email. I suppose it takes at least a day for one to adjust to being on vacation. Kind of like jet lag. It has taken quite bit of craziness to get me to the point of wanting, craving, needing to go on this break. And the best part is that everyone is here with me – all three children have plucked themselves from their daily adult lives and decided that it would still be fun to go on vacation with their parents.

I’m feeling blessed and very lucky.

Even if I do know. They’re here because it’s FREE.

Anyway, back to the purpose of this post. I just sent an email to the publisher five minutes ago with very minor changes to the final proofread. Every time I submit a version, I feel so much closer to the end of this journey. I feel at peace and content about not having written a single thing since The Year I Left. My focus has shifted somewhat. What interested me a few years ago, no longer does today. I guess that’s just how life is. We keep moving in so many directions, our paths constantly change with every new choice we make. Tastes, styles, friends, points of view – they all evolve as you evolve. And that’s what makes living in today’s world so awesome. We have so many things to choose from, opinions to align with, stories to tell, stories to enjoy. I don’t think there’s a wrong or right to anything we choose.

Sometimes, I worry about not being able to sit still and truly enjoy the important moments. Part of it is because I’m constantly moving, but most of it is because I’m trying to fit in so much stuff in this very short life. I want to make sure I don’t turn down any opportunity – whether it benefits me, my family or others. And I will be the first to tell you that it’s not a perfect game plan.

Let’s stick to the writing of this latest book, for instance. I wrote it at a time when my attention was solely centered around my job. The success of last year’s endeavors was satisfying, truly an accomplishment in my career. And yet I keep thinking – what if I wrote full time, directed all my energies to writing this, my last book in a while – could I have done it better? Would it be a better book, would I have had more time to hone it, perfect it, make it the best it’s ever been? (Without even thinking about the fact that it will be buried in a sea of books, as always LOL) On some days, I think – for sure. The perfectionist in me scorns me, makes me feel like I should have given this book more time.  But on most days I look back at all the other things I would have regretted not doing, not pursuing, not cultivating –

And I think…nah.

For as long as I’ve given 100 percent of my heart and my soul to 33.33% of the allocated amount of time I have to devote to this part of my life, I feel whole.

That’s a lot of math right there. But it totally makes sense. I’m in Finance, after all.